It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
