They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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