Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
