I hate all girls vehemently.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My life is pants optional.
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