We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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