So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
