i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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