Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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