I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
His hands were made for my vagina.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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