I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
