my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
