i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
