Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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