i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
