Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
