you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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