is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
