And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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