WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
