you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he thought i was a dude.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I love having hate sex.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
