Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
