I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Shame - the story of my life.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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