People in love make me want to vomit
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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