First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Randomize
