You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
