So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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