A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I still have a little drunk in my system
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
