if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
