Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
