afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
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I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
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I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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