I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
