Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize