last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
