pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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