If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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