I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She announced her abortion via fbk
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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