That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
