Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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