She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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