WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
