I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
