Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
