All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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