Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I will be naked everywhere
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
