all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
