There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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