Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
