If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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