it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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