I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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