You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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