so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
