ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
