Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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