I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
