You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize