At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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