the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
