just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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