There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
