Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
