why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
