i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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