just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
