So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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