His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
