fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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