Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
