I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
