Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
