jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize