My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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