If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
