Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
